i’m having a hard time blogging lately.  i just feel like it’s a report of “how my day went”.  is that interesting to anybody, and is it helping me in any way to recap all things, good or bad?  and then post them on the internet?

i loved this until i read other people’s blog.  you guys have to check out MOMASTERY.COM.  she is amazing.  so interesting.  it reads like an inspiring book.  i love her.  and then there are those eye candy blogs like PIONEER WOMAN and SMITTEN KITTEN.  i feel like i am neither inspiring, nor eye candy.  and honestly, i want to be both of those things.

made a pot roast this morning.  it’s in the slow cooker and filling the loft with lots of homey good smells.  it’s dreary out ~ chilly and rainy, but not raining.  i hate that.  if it’s going to be cloudy, it needs to be raining or snowing.

there’s a 20 year-old kid on GMA right now, singing country music, and he is tearing it up.  wow.

and the last of the randoms ~ i ordered P90X this weekend.  cannot TELL you how excited i am to kick some butt!!!!!


and later…

my mom responded with a great comment, that prompted me to write more…

you’re right about the blogging, mom.  i wish i could be more profound, like i used to be.  but sometimes i think i have to be in the middle of tragedy to be profound.  that’s okay ~ i’d rather just be boring.

this job at jewell is so great, but it is currently taking the life out of me.  i know it will change.  i just need to keep working hard and it’ll pay off, as soon as next year.  i’m sure of it.  but i tell you.  i am so stressed and exhausted.  i shouldn’t feel this way ~ i’m just a voice teacher.  i don’t have homework to grade like my sister does, and i don’t have kids like every other woman has.  my homework is the music i have to learn, and i guess the gigs are my kids.  ooh.  yuck. vomit.  all i know is that i have a huge lump in my throat ~ a lump of desire to live a better life than this.
i put a pot roast in the slow cooker this morning.  i’ve never really done that, so it took me longer than normal.  so i got in the shower late, left late, had to go back to get my phone, just so i could call my first student and tell her i was going to be late.  then i had to stop and get gas.  then i just called both girls (these were extra coachings scheduled, so no biggie) and canceled my 10 and 10:30, so i could just go to panera and get a breakfast sandwich, and be a normal person for my 11:00.  then my 11:00 canceled because she had to go get her passport.  what?  so i’m sitting here with some precious idle time, feeling bad about the cancelations, feeling lost, and wondering when, exactly, we are going to eat that pot roast.
there’s stuff to do, but i’m just sitting here, immobile.  wish i could paint my studio.

2 thoughts on “monday.

  1. Do blogs have to be interesting? I thought it was merely journaling and venting. And, who cares if anyone reads it – it’s about you and getting things off your chest, good and bad. Maybe I’m wrong. I have been before.

  2. Well, my dear, did I tell you my New Year’s resolution is to CONNECT? So you writing your blog and your mom and I commenting (Hi, Mrs. T.!) helps me feel connected to you which is very important to me. Important to know that my friend who always comes across as radiant and brimming does so in spite of feeling spent and blah. If she has more life coming out of her pores than she can account for, might not the same be true of me? Whether it is or not, I can smell your dinners from Central Nebraska and know there is creativity, there is comfort, there is undeniable life force in downtown KC to which I am connecting.

    Why the gagging over gigs as children? I always think of a certain fiery-haired mezzo inspiration just west of you as having birthed more creation than any woman I know, including my own Mama Libbie. I’m grateful for and delighted in her musical children as I am in yours. I’m sorry if they make you puke!

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