thank you, sharon, for your so real answer. “derailed” is such an accurate term, when that kind of toxicity is at work. i don’t feel derailed (at this point) by my colleagues. i do, however, feel derailed by my own self. my body is SCREAMING at me to rest, but if i rest, that means i’ll let people down. i’ll cancel lessons and have to make them up later. it seems like other people are keeping their word and working when they’re supposed to work. i should be doing that too, right? i’m an adult and behaving like an adult means you work and work, no matter how bad you feel.
but my body is telling me another thing…and rather loudly. my heart’s telling me the same thing, too. i’m not saying i don’t want to work! i love my job.
i woke up this morning with the mother of all headaches. probably not classified as a migraine, but i felt, and still feel, like i went on a drinking binge last night and danced in high heels for 3 hours. why do i keep waking up feeling so terrible? aren’t you supposed to wake up fresh in the morning? somewhat rested? it’s nearly impossible for me to wake up with a head like that, and work out. there’s just no way. and there’s no way i can just shower and get in the car and go teach.
that was how i felt yesterday. today is different. why? what’s different about today? i’m still teaching a TON today, just like yesterday. today, thursday, i guess i know that it’s the last day of work this week, and next week is spring break! i think i just realized that!!!! oh, this is much needed. my spring break has become pretty busy, but there’s downtime, and time away from my job. i need to appreciate that.
the HAPPINESS PROJECT for the month of march is starting to form nicely. it should be done already, but i like that i’m allowing it to modify. back in december, march’s list was as follows:
MARCH subtitled “aim higher”
1. practice more
2. up your exercise
3. tighten the screws on everything
4. practice violin
all of that looks very decadent. i don’t see march as a decadent month, per se. here’s how much it has changed…
1. start learning italian (this is a cd program i will have in my car, to listen to on commutes. easy.)
2. consider a healthier eating plan that makes up for not always being able to exercise every day. (let’s face it ~ i have a crazy life. i can’t be hard on myself all the time when i have a 7 or 8 hour teaching day, then a concert, then i eat after all that, get home at midnight and wake the next morning, not able to move. so i just need to make sure that i’m eating healthy. and i LOVE healthy food!)
3. my taxes are DONE!!!! so it’s all about budget these next few months. focus on saving, spending wisely, budgeting, and enjoying the bill pay-offs!!!
4. exercise: do EXACTLY as much as you can do each day. don’t listen to anyone. just listen to your body. be good to it. be positive about that exercise time. if the p90x is an hour long, and you are tired by 25 minutes, hey ~ you just worked out for 25 minutes! stop the tape and feel good about that. just do SOMETHING, and try to do it every day.
5. don’t let the stress creep back in. (i gave up stress for Lent and it worked. i can’t let it come back into my life.)
6. i want to start taking better care of myself. that, of course, starts with #2, #4 and especially #5. but i also want to save my money and make time to go get a facial or a massage.
those are my NEW goals for march. it’s already the 8th, but i’m very excited about the month!