i have already shut down. just hunkering down and holding my breath until school’s out. umm ~ it’s march still. i have a long way to go, so why am i already giving up on everything?
i absolutely refuse to work out. why? why does this happen? i don’t understand it. it’s a rebellion of some sort, or a depression. i am so angry that i cannot change my patterns. it infuriates me. i’ve been eating really healthy lately. lots of salads and veggies, and some great protein. but that’s not a habit change. i love salad.
i also love walking in my neighborhood, so why can’t i just get out there? i got up at 6:30 this morning and have the time to do it. and it’s gorgeous out! but i’m so shut down, so incapable of moving from this chair. i had a hard time even choosing to blog! but i hadn’t in a while and i really felt like it could help me this morning.
sometimes i don’t think i realize how depressed i am. both of my vocations ~ teaching and singing ~ requires that you put out a lot of joy and encouragement. so when you “play” a happy person on TV all day, sometimes you don’t even realize how you REALLY feel, until you blog about it.
i think i’ll take baby steps and walk to the coffee shop with a good book and just start there. i really do have the time to do that this morning, so i need to take advantage of it!
okay, thanks for listening…