i have already shut down.  just hunkering down and holding my breath until school’s out.  umm ~ it’s march still.  i have a long way to go, so why am i already giving up on everything?

i absolutely refuse to work out.  why?  why does this happen?  i don’t understand it.  it’s a rebellion of some sort, or a depression.  i am so angry that i cannot change my patterns.  it infuriates me.  i’ve been eating really healthy lately.  lots of salads and veggies, and some great protein.  but that’s not a habit change.  i love salad.

i also love walking in my neighborhood, so why can’t i just get out there?  i got up at 6:30 this morning and have the time to do it.  and it’s gorgeous out!  but i’m so shut down, so incapable of moving from this chair.  i had a hard time even choosing to blog!  but i hadn’t in a while and i really felt like it could help me this morning.

sometimes i don’t think i realize how depressed i am.  both of my vocations ~ teaching and singing ~ requires that you put out a lot of joy and encouragement.  so when you “play” a happy person on TV all day, sometimes you don’t even realize how you REALLY feel, until you blog about it.

i think i’ll take baby steps and walk to the coffee shop with a good book and just start there.  i really do have the time to do that this morning, so i need to take advantage of it!

okay, thanks for listening…