i know it’s sacrilegious to enjoy yourself on good friday, since that’s the day Jesus died on the cross. but we know how it turns out, right? am i right? i mean, it’s gorgeous out and i am thrilled to be off work. i’m going with it. i feel like the hub and i are total strangers at this point. we have been working so much that it’s just easier for us to go on with our own activities alone, rather than “bond”. but do we really need to bond? if given the choice between cuddling on the couch and talking over our hopes and dreams ~ and blogging at the kitchen table, with the sun coming in a cool breeze, while the hub starts his new bill bryson book, stretched out on the bed ~ it’s hard to choose the former. i totally love the former, but there’s autonomy in this monogamy, too.
and yet, i feel drawn to be near him every second possible. i feel guilty if i don’t put him first. and then exhausted when i don’t get “me time”. i consider his tastes and smell his opinion regarding everything, even when it shouldn’t matter. i bought a journal to write in at barnes and noble. he said, “so you’re going to blog and write in that journal?” a simple-enough question. which warrants a simple-enough answer: ” yeah, what of it? huh? i like to write. so sue me.”
and now, i’m reading that spiritual weight-loss book and i can just feel his disapproval as i’m reading it. but that’s what guys do. they judge. silently. harmlessly. and why do we listen to the judgement?
i can’t write anymore. it’s so hard to be in one room when i know there’s such a great man just next door.