wednesday.

worked some mighty long hours yesterday.  whew.  but i don’t have to be anywhere this morning until 12:30.  woot woot!  i can do anything for just one day!  tomorrow will be another doozy, and at the end of a long teaching day, i will then sing a concert.  oy vay.  so this morning, i’m going to go to the farmers’ market and see what the herbs are like this early in the spring.  i’m going to start that herb garden.  not waiting anymore!  so what if they all die!  i’ll just buy more.  it’s only money, right?

so, another part of my HAPPINESS PROJECT includes the removal of my nagging.  this is the first year of marriage and i’ve been a seriously nagging wife.  pick up your clothes, turn off the light in the bathroom, close the closet doors please, am i supposed to throw these empty soda cans away?  you name it ~ i’ve nagged about it.  i just felt like i needed to establish that i wasn’t going to be his maid.  this is nothing against the hub ~ this is how most men are.  they just assume we will pick it all up because we care more than they do about the clean house.  so i spent our first year really trying to establish my “needs” ~ i guess you can call them.

starting may 28 (maybe even before ~ i’m getting really tired of myself) i’m going to STOP THE NAGGING.  i hate myself.  i feel like i’m 75 years old.  i don’t feel fun or sexy or free-spirited.  i think i’ve made my point, right?  for a year, i’ve bitched about the same stuff, so now i can let it go.  i have to let it go, or i’m going to be the one suffering.

i’ll let you know how this goes.  it’ll be hard, but it’s possible.  byron katie writes about this in LOVING WHAT IS.  i highly recommend this book.  it’s on cd and i tell you ~ it’s brilliant.  she says for years she was religious ~ her religion was “pick up your socks”.  she says she lived by the rules of the nagging mother and wife.  she uses it as an example of her belief ~ this is happening (in this case, over and over again) because it’s supposed to happen.  it’s not going to change and maybe it shouldn’t change.  that doesn’t seem fair, but what planet do we think we are living on?  life isn’t fair.  news flash!  so then, she realized that once she let go of the nagging and the resentfulness that she was the only one picking up after everyone, she actually liked it!  she realized that she loved having a husband and children to pick up after.  and that no one else cared about the damn socks.

i love this notion.  i love my husband.  he is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.  so maybe i should pick up those empty cans and say, “i’m so glad i have this man, after all i’ve been through.”

hmmmm….

that’s gonna take some work.

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2 responses to “wednesday.

  1. I have been through this with Deb and she has been through it with me. We actually didn’t start nagging each other about things until we were quite a few years into our relationship. The first fight we ever had was over a pile of folded clothes that I watched her kick with her foot into the closet. She will leave something (an AX for example) on the ottoman in the living room for weeks….WEEKS until she finally realizes that I’m not planning to move it–so she’ll shift it somewhere else (like the kitchen table) where it will sit for more weeks. I however will let “shit” pile up on the ottoman in the living room and shift it around until there is no where to put a glass, or coffee cup. We tolerate these things until one day one of us will say: “I wondered how much longer you were going to (fill in the blank).” And then we complain about it to each other-have a good laugh and I declare that I will never change (because clearly I’M the one who needs to change) and we move forward. I nag her about leaving the lights on in the ENTIRE HOUSE, and she nags me about leaving the fan in the bedroom on all day. I would say that we try to accommodate each other’s pet peeves and sometimes a compromise is reached.

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