my, how these weeks are flying by. before we know it, the summer will be over and we will be back in the swing of things. but i do not dread it at all because i am not going to be swinging as high as i have been for the past, well, 20 years. not counting those pesky years of my first marriage, where i didn’t really work outside of the home much. but i sho nuff did work in my marriage. so yes! counting those pesky years too!
on the last night in cortona, we all had dinner at this fantastic outdoor restaurant in the square. between servings of freshly made pasta with tomato sauce and the best sausages i’ve ever had, the subject of my crazy behavior came up. and my new friend, lisa, who is such a guru on all things about balance, said, “ah, you are a prostitute”. i think i have mentioned this before. i know i’ve discussed it with my mother, because she has realized that i got it from her. it’s not a terrible trait: you learn how to do a lot of things, and do them well. and usually, you do them for others. it’s a very nice life, that is fortified with lots of thank you’s and how kind of you’s.
but i lose myself in the doing. i love doing. i don’t know how to just be. a lot of times, though, i do way too much in the day and it has nothing to do with my well-being. i’m too busy busying myself to feel a sense of worth, and i miss the windows of things like taking my pills at the right time, working out in the morning, making breakfast before the headache sets in, or even just getting a nice glass of water in before i’m all weird.
i almost need a regimen for doing nothing. a list of things to remind me what matters most. blogging is the only regimen that has become an addiction to me (well, other than drinking coffee). i usually blog and drink coffee at the same time. my two greatest accomplishments! ha ha ha!
i used to have a dream list. this was a to do list of things i wanted to accomplish in my life. i wanted to make a line of tiny cakes and pies that i call PIXYCAKES and PIXYPIES. i still am in love with this idea. they’re not to sell ~ they’re just to perfect and make whenever there’s a need for dessert. i like the idea of old-fashioned, down home comfort flavors, like strawberry-rhubarb and gooseberry, but in little tarts that look like they came from france.
another item on my dream list: practicing my violin. the notion of picking up my violin 3 times a week and just playing something to keep my technique, and to enjoy the addictive feeling of the horse hair on the string.
but are these items that turn me, yet again, into a prostitute? someone who spreads herself way too thin, therefore not succeeding at any one thing?
and doesn’t all of this fall under the category of doing?
i don’t think it does, because it has nothing to do with making money. when i do something for money, it’s a must-do. i’m cutting back on those actions. i’m making less money this year, and making more time to get my priorities in order.
this is a hard task, when i wasn’t making much money to begin with! but it’s the right thing. we will have more wealth this year because i will be happier, less stressed, more balanced, and more able to help support the hub with his stressful job.
do i sound like a 50’s housewife yet? quick ~ get me an apron and some pearls!!!