ugh.  my head is killing me.  i’m trying to learn how to sew and every time i start a new project, the goddesses of sewing laugh in my face and the whole process leaves me with a splitting headache.

i have never in my life been so horribly inadequate at something.  the patterns give you glossaries and instructions and explanations of every tiny detail ~ so you should be able to put it together with all the information they give you, right?  but in my opinion, the first step should always read:  1. TAKE A SEWING CLASS.  i am absolutely cross-eyed.  and i only got to step 4 of 21 steps.  there are really 31 steps, but i’m not adding a lining to this jacket.  this jacket, which looked like a really easy sew.  there’s no zipper or buttons.  it’s just pieced together.  it’s not even fitted.

so WHY IS IT SO CONFUSING!!!

i am really good at following instructions.  or i thought i was.  i have attempted other patterns before, and have actually succeeded a few times.  i’ve also ruined a couple pieces as well.  it’s really hard to spend a good amount of money and really love a piece of fabric, work on it for weeks (it takes me weeks) and it turns out awful and you have to throw the whole thing away.

i just need to take a sewing class.  i have SO many ideas and such weird taste.  i need to know how to do this.  this shouldn’t be so hard.

the first step on this jacket pattern reads:

1. REINFORCE shoulder edge of upper front and back (1), pivoting at triangle, as shown.  clip diagonally to triangle.

okay, here are my issues with directions like this:  as shown?  the picture does not shown the pivoting at triangle thing. at all.  there are two triangles on the pattern.  clip?  no way.  not clipping anything until i know what i’m doing.  this is gorgeous shantung silk, and i don’t want to ruin it.  and this piece doesn’t make any sense to me.  how is this jagged, crazy looking edge going to turn into a smooth neckline?

i try to trust the pattern as i go and just do what it says, and i could potentially do that.  but i have to be more sure of each step, if that’s going to happen.

has anyone out there ever sewn anything?  (i know you have, mother)

i’m really frustrated, and actually dizzy.  i need to lie down.  this is so sad.