this is the first day i have actually felt like myself in god knows how long.  i’ve been sick all week, and depressed forever.  it’s not anything over-the-top crazy.  i just feel like i can breathe normally again.  a little happiness is way above the bar, compared to the last three weeks or so.

my most high maintenance quality is the fact that if things are out of balance in my life, i have the hardest time with the “keep calm and carry on” motto.  my body screams at me:  daily headaches, migraines even, terrible digestion, colorless, greenish-looking skin.  nothing will do until i can find balance again, and even after the balance  has begun, it takes a while to feel good again.

keeping a balanced life is like indian food.  indian food is not hard to make.  it’s just high maintenance.  it must have the right amount of all of the taste-bud senses:  salty, sweet, pungent, spicy, whatever they are called.  There can’t be one missing or the whole dish tastes funny.  last night i made indian food at home.  i roasted veggies in the oven with a little tandoori spice paste (indian bbq flavor), some honey and a touch of olive oil.  i made brown basmati rice ~ jasmine rice is right up there on my faves list, with gnocchi and risotto.

anyway, i put it all together with some naan bread and it was just missing something.  yogurt.  it was okay without the yogurt but i really couldn’t eat it, knowing that it would be amazing, balanced and complete with the yogurt.

so i stopped by the store on the way home from school, and wow ~ i just ate it with the yogurt in it.  boy was i right.  i can’t help it ~ i cannot rest until something is balanced.  and i can’t be happy until i am balanced.

it’s a lot to ask for, and i hope i am able to learn how to handle it better than i have this time around.  that’s for sure.  but with yesterday being the maddest i have been in a very long time, and today being wonderful, maybe god is trying to tell me to get mad every once in a while.

thank you, wonderful friends, for your understanding and your amazing words of wisdom.  sharoni, you are so right ~ my doctor IS an “a-hole”.  i honestly think he was just showing off.  he probably runs marathons.  i don’t want to run marathons.  i want to conquer my inconsistency.  that’s all.

okay, i’m going to practice a little, take a bubble bath, put on some really cute fall clothes, do my hair (for the first time this week ~ stop with the headbands already), and i’m going to enjoy my day, stress-free.