terrible day.

what is a terrible day, exactly?  what makes us feel like it deserves that harsh, astringent word ~ terrible?

not a bad day.  a terrible day.  wouldn’t a terrible day be if you, or a loved one, had a heart attack?  or died?  or your husband left you?  when i think about my father dying, i don’t think ~ “that was a terrible day”.  it was so much worse than that.  words don’t describe the heart-break.  it’s an emptiness that will never be filled.  but i wouldn’t come home from that day and say, “what a terrible day i had”.

instead, a terrible day is that little stuff that nag at you until you give up on life.  and then you sulk home and say, “YUCK.  that was terrible.”

my hub unknowingly says the word “skulk” instead of “sulk”.  such a better word.

to me, a terrible day means…

1. i gave up on someone or something i love.

2. i felt disinterest or hate in me.

3. i cried.

4. i failed at being, well, me.  whatever that is.

i’m 4 for 4.  i gave up.  early on in the day, i gave up.  i hated all over the place, and all day long.  i cried.  just now.  still crying.  embarrassing, but true.  i want to be a supportive person all day long, for money or not.  but that’s my job.  being a voice teacher is being a supportive person who helps young fledglings figure out how to feel something, and then express it in a song.  that’s my job in a nutshell.

i look out my window and watch the train go by.  this thing is a thousand cars long.  it will never pass, for pete’s sake.  where’s the caboose?  there it just went.  silence.