grief.

i just found out this morning that a friend of mine passed away.  he was my age, a fantastic singer, a loving high school music teacher, a father, a husband, and a wonderful light to so many people.  actually, he was a light to everyone he came in contact with.

it’s interesting how we all deal with this kind of tragedy differently.  for me, it puts everything into perspective, but also makes me not give a flying fig about my obligations that now seem so unimportant to me.

all i want to do is move slowly, with intention and peace, throughout this day.  i refuse to hurry or stress out about my day of gigs and rehearsals (it’s way too early to start this craziness up again), or care about anything that doesn’t matter.

i want to make healing, warm, comforting, body-nourishing food, and make my house beautiful and peaceful.  i want to rise above the chaos of grieving, and only fill my mind with peace and tranquility.

and while i know that i can’t live with my head in the clouds and avoid my obligations, i wonder ~ shouldn’t we have our heads in the clouds just a little bit?  what would my friend say, now that he is no longer in this world?  would he say, “make sure you check all those e-mails”?  would he say, “stress out about that to-do list to the point that you get fever sores in your mouth”?  of course not.  he’d say, “don’t go a single moment without joy and gratitude that you are alive and are loved”.  period.

i don’t want to disappoint anyone or drop the ball by not caring.  i have a responsibility to other people, to make sure that i do my job well, so that they can do theirs well.  it takes a village ~ this music thing.  but, it can also feel like a rat race.  and i don’t want to be a part of that anymore.

so, i will keep my head in the clouds a bit today, if you don’t mind, and while i slowly go through life’s have-to’s, i’ll try to make it as beautiful of a place as it was when he was here.

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