time for a change.

I set my alarm for 6am this rainy Saturday morning because I wanted to spend a little time blogging some honest thoughts.  Here goes…

A good friend of mine has died at the precious young age of 61.  He was a beacon of sweet light in the Kansas City music world, and his funeral is today.

Another funeral today belongs to the 20 year-old son of one of my beloved students.  He was almost entirely non-verbal his whole life, and my heart aches for my student.  A mother should never have to lose a child.

I’m always so grateful to be of use, if I’m asked to sing.  I feel like I have a purpose on these incredibly sad days, other than sitting there and pondering my own mortality.

Needless to say, I have been in a deep, dark depression for weeks now, and I’m sure it has a lot to do with these losses of life, mixed with the weather, and my delicate genetic makeup.  So I’m going to sing and cry (and probably laugh ~ it’s me we’re talking about here) my way through this day, and then I’m going to do what these young people would demand I do.  I’m going to try to move forward and live my life to the fullest.

With this debilitating depression, I have not exercised.  I have not eaten the right things.  I have had no water ~ just dehydrating beverages, and my cooking has been uninspired.  I have unrelenting acid reflux.  And I have let the ball drop on so many ambitions and pursuits.  I leave my house to do something that would lift my spirits, it goes terribly wrong, and I race back to the comfort of my puzzle and fireplace.

Other than my cute new pixy haircut, I’ve been doing the bare minimum, for sure.

I think it’s time for a cleanse, don’t you?

But maybe not the type of cleanses you’ve heard of.

This will be a cleanse to bring back in all of the things that I know will lift my spirits, whether they’re shallow or insignificant, or even a little irreverent.

So here’s a list of 10 things that I’d like to add to this dull, dreary winter, starting TODAY:

1. Yoga.  Yoga no matter whata.  🙂

2. This is shallow, but I like to go to the mall, walk around with a coffee or tea in my hand, and just feel the fabrics, see the colors, and check out the new styles for spring.  It’s best if I don’t take any money with me, or try anything on, but I actually might need a few colorful pieces this time.  I have almost all black going on right now.  WINTER – UGH.

3. Dim Sum and tea at Shang in Crown Center.  DIVINE.  Anyone want to go with me?  I’m drinking the red tea right now and it is so healing.  Anna, thank you for introducing me to that amazing place.

4. Must see girlfriends.  MUST.

5. This is a terrible one, but I might actually go to a tanning bed just once. I promise I’ll cover my face with a towel and slather on all the SPF, but I just need to feel that warmth, and pretend I’m on a hot, sandy beach.

6. I have a list I made a long time ago that is a perfect line-up for my mornings and evenings.  I’ve abandoned it, and I’m going to take it out and start crossing that list off every day.  It involves easy things like “take your vitamins, dummy”.  Ha ha ha

7.  I’m going to love my husband. Even if there are other, more popular, emotions in there that take over, like frustration, or annoyance.  I’m going to choose love.  (Sorry, honey)

8. I want to eat as many brightly-colored vegetables and delicious fruits as I can possibly stuff down my throat every day, and drink 100 ounces of water.  Whatever else I eat and drink, I’m going to stop feeling so guilty about it.  No eliminations or diets or calorie counting for a while.  Just the good stuff first, and anything I want after that.

9. I’m going to practice every day.  Voice, violin, piano, whatever.  I’m going to spend alone-time with my first love:  MUSIC.

10. It’s time to start spring cleaning.  I’m not going to wait for spring ~ rather, I want this house to SING by spring!

What’s on your list?  I’d love to know!


2 thoughts on “time for a change.

  1. Aw! I’m sorry for your losses. Feeling pretty reclusive myself, as well as uninspired in terms of cooking. Life. And my pants are too tight. But oh well. I’m going to keep my house clean and try to get outside and walk my dogs every day. There’s something great about being outdoors, and the fact that my companions are loving, loyal, and completely silent. Think of you often.

  2. I will always completely LOVE your perspective, Jennifer. It’s profound and deep and beautifully simple. Thinking of you too – maybe I should get a dog?

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